


spectrum.

by Blackwing602



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Fluff, One Shot, References to Depression, Sexual Content, Suggestive Themes, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5770297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackwing602/pseuds/Blackwing602
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I know I’m describing a really happy life here, aren't I? You think nothing’s wrong with me, Undyne fixed me and my life, the ghosts of the past all stayed put in the underground.</p>
<p>You’re wrong. You’re so dead wrong.' Alphys-POV Alphys/Undyne.</p>
            </blockquote>





	spectrum.

**Author's Note:**

> "And when we first came here  
> we were cold and we were clear  
> With no colors in our skin  
> 'Til we let the spectrum in
> 
> Say my name  
> And every color illuminates  
> We are shining  
> And we will never be afraid again."  
> Spectrum - Florence and the Machine.
> 
> References to suicidal thoughts and depression. Sexual references/content. Mild language.

She smelled like the ocean, and a hard day’s work, and sunshine on water lilies. That's what I thought, anyway. I didn’t tell her thought, ‘cause she’d tease me and tickle me and tell me I was a big cheesy lizard. I think she liked it, anyway. Maybe I will tell her. It’d be worth it, just to see her little puppy mouth lift up at the corners and grin at me with her teeth…

I was in love. Really, really in love. It was getting ridiculous – like, I should really considering slowing down on this love train we had but as usual I tried to keep up with Undyne’s pace and I guess Undyne treated love just like she treated everything else – barreling in headfirst, shameless and excited as always. 

One of my favorite things in the world was waking up in the middle of the night, the Topsider’s huge glowing moon granting a ghostly air to the surface [I mean, moons and suns! Who knew!] and seeing the curves of her body, and her arms wrapped around me and holding me tight, and losing myself in those scarlet locks of hers…

… Yeah I’m pretty crazy about this girl.

I still don’t get why she’s here. Why ever since I told her how I feel down in the Underground, she’s been here. You don’t have to remind me – I know I don’t have much to offer a girl. I’m shy, awkward to a fault, I have days where I just want to crawl under my desk and die [Undyne tells me it’s something humans call ‘depression?’] and sometimes I forget to shower. For like, weeks. Or forget to eat, for a couple days. Who wants that? I don’t get her reasons but I guess Undyne is Undyne and that doesn’t matter, she’ll do what she wants anyway.

We got intimate pretty fast, living together. The first night alone was… I can’t even think about it without just wanting to lose it. I just curled up to her in our brand new bed under old threadbare sheets and before I knew it, she had me pinned under her, kissing and nipping at my neck, hiking up my nightdress to get at my….

… Let's just say our anatomy wasn’t all that different [thank god, that's something scientific research can’t predict] and Undyne was…. Reallllly enthusiastic. 

I was sore for the rest of the week!

Our evenings went a lot like this. I went to the lab I’d been hired at [freelance work for humans, and with Sans sometimes, but that's another story I guess] and worked [mostly?] but there was a lot of texting between us all day till I came home. Undyne was usually already home or got home soon after. She was working at a security corporation and doing pretty well – bench-pressing the desk during her interview got her hired on really quick! 

We made dinner, experimenting with new human recipes and stuff, and watched TV together. Sometimes we went over to San’s and Papyrus’s for dinner, or even Asgore and Toriel. Those two… It was a ship come true! Toriel never wanted to admit it, but they were getting real crazy about each other fast, and everyone could see it. Even Undyne was happy for them. 

Frisk would poke and tease at us, just like old times, but I could tell they were genuinely happy for us. After all, they were the whole reason we were together in the first place!

I know I’m describing a really happy life here, aren't I? You think nothing’s wrong with me, Undyne fixed me and my life, the ghosts of the past all stayed put in the underground.

You’re wrong. You’re so dead wrong.

I mean, yeah, on one level, I’d never been happier. I was so happy. I was in love, and loved, and I was doing good work for this company and making actual breakthroughs and teaching the humans about magic and monsters and all our scientific discoveries. 

But I was really riddled with anxiety. And I had days where I just… Couldn’t. Couldn't anything. Couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t leave the house, couldn’t call anyone, couldn’t do anything. Days where I didn’t care at all about like anything. Days where I just cared about everything and cried about puppies. That's so not normal. 

I think a lot about my experiments. The amalgamates. I painstakingly spent the first month topside helping them find their families and breaking the news to everyone. It wasn’t so bad. A couple monsters got really angry, but most said they understood and were just happy to have what was left of their family.

All the amalgamates I guess died? a couple of time tried separating to go back to their families and they lasted for like a week before just disappearing into dust. Some stuck together but they still died too. Guess they were too happy. Couldn’t handle it.

… Nothing should spend their life like that, and nothing ever would have, except it was my damn fault. Continuing what Dr. Gaster started. It’s what he would have wanted, right? Before he killed himself? Right?

It makes me want to die.

No. I don’t want to die. Not anymore. There was a long time after I watched the amalgamates go home to die that I wanted to die too – but Undyne put a stop to that. She kissed me and patted my head, told me it was real good of me to give them a happy passing after everything had happened, it wasn’t my fault, and even if it was I could atone for what happened. She dressed me and fed me, took long baths with me. Made love to me until I saw stars and couldn’t think about anything else but her, her body, her eyes, her hair spilling over my legs as she…

Carried away again. Man does she do that to me!  
But I’m still same old Alphys I guess, but having a smoking hot lady for a girlfriend made life a lot better, I think. Does wonders for your self esteem, knowing something like that wants to be with you! 

Nothing’s perfect, and it never will be, but I think we’re getting there. Undyne was right – I can do a lot to atone for what happened and ensure it never happens again. I think about Flowey, a lot. I’m basically his creator – I don’t know why he’s quite how he is, but I know the reason he’s such a dick – monsters just can’t live with DETERMINATION. You know, if I thought a monster could, it would be Undyne…. But that's too cruel to even consider. But, like, if it could actually happen.

A couple months ago Frisk went back and got him. Stuck him in a little flower pot and totes him around everywhere. No one but Frisk likes him… Well, Papyrus, but Papyrus will love anything. [we still work out together – I’m starting to look pretty good, I think!] I don’t talk to him much – he makes me feel really bad, and he says really mean things. And Undyne keeps threatening to set him on fire or accidentally drop him in a can of weed killer. 

I might just suck it up and take him to the lab and try to see what I can do. Frisk said there’s a lot more to Flowey than meets the eye, but I don’t think they’d tell me unless I had a definitive way of trying to make Flowey… Well, less of an asshole.

Besides Flowey, there’s still Dr. Gaster. But no one remembers him to talk about him. Not except me, Sans, and I think the king. I sometimes saw signs of him, back in the underground, especially if I found a scrap of an old lab note, but I think he’s still down there. Listening. Waiting.

If I think about him too much I want to just die all over again so I just don’t.

Undyne helps though. A lot. More than she knows. I don’t think she’ll ever know, totally, but that's okay. I don’t want her to. I still want her to think I'm cool, but even though she’s super cool and I’m kind of meh we’re both total losers so it works out. She knows I have bad days, or just bad times, and she rolls with the punches, like she always does. She makes sure I eat and curls up with me and gives me back massages when we watch anime together. She takes me lit exploring and waits for me when we go on hikes, or she picks me up and carries me if she starts to feel impatient and I’m cool with that. 

I’m really in love. And it’s not perfect but we’re working at it, we’re getting there. Every day I can feel myself winning a little more at not feeling like shit and every day she can see that and she doesn’t pity me, just loves me.

I didn’t know why she was here but that was okay. She was here. And she loved me. And even if it’s not forever, even though I want it to be, it’ll be great anyway. 

“Watcha doin, Alphys?” I woke to a loud kiss on the cheek and her warm nose nuzzling my ear. I’d fallen asleep on my work. I sat up groggily and she grinned down at me with all her teeth. 

“Nothing!” I squeaked, pushing the papers aside. “I’m sorry! What time is it?”

“Time for you to come to bed with me.” Then I saw she wasn’t wearing anything but her scales, glimmering in the dim lamplight, soft and smooth on her flat stomach and the small swells of her breasts… My eyes jerked up to see her hair in loose tumbling scarlet waves and a really sinister smile.

“I-I-I’m coming!” I stammered, scrambling out of the chair and struggling to pull my sweater off my sweater. She helped me and then scooped me up into her muscular arms and gave me a kiss that sent the world spinning.

“You will be,” and her wicked laugh shook me to the core.

And just like always, my eyes cracked open when everything was dark ‘cept the moon on her wonderful body, tired from intimacy and a hard day’s work, and I thanked every star I could, that she was mine, I was hers, and we were here together in what could be a real crap world.

**Author's Note:**

> Love me some fish/lizard loving. Forget the bone zone, this is where it's at. 
> 
> Head-canon they become the resident old-cat lady lesbians who have secret crazy sex lives. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
